I Saw You (Under the Fig Tree).

While on maternity leave last year, I created for myself a daily sanity walk.

Many will be familiar with the daily sanity walk of a new parent. Mine was a 5 mile loop down a thicket path with a dense area of bushes and trees one one side, and a river to the other, heavily populated with swans and cormorants. With my son snuggled up in his bassinet, this was the one outing I managed to complete each morning before returning to my living room to continue the precious, yet monotonous routine of keeping my small child alive while dangerously sleep deprived. 

Getting out of the house in those days was the one place I was able to think a little more clearly. It always has been if I really think about it, walking has always been a very therapeutic practice for me.

Do you find yourself needing to get out of the house to clear your head and organise your thoughts?

The early days were bliss, I can’t deny how much joy I felt becoming a mother for the first time despite the challenges, but as the days and weeks faded into months, I started to notice that things were feeling a little more gloomy each day, which was strange as we were heading into summer. I didn’t know at the time, but like so many new parents, despite the deepest joy of having a child, I was slowly slipping into a strange sadness. 

My daily sanity walk down the thicket path was my chance to help my son to sleep, and spend time with God. Sometimes I’d pray, other times I’d just walk in silence trying to imagine Him walking beside me through this unexpected low, but as the clouds descended further it became harder to notice His presence. Soon I just felt alone, doing my daily walk wading through the grey.

We all go through these moments, not one of us is an exception. It could be a tough time at work, illness, financial challenges, family difficulties, whatever it is there is a tendency in these moments is to believe the fiction that we’re alone, and unseen. That we're hidden in the grey, lost in the clouds.

My newest piece was inspired by this brief time in my life where I believed that I was unseen, when my prayers felt like they were bouncing off the ceiling back down to earth, and it is meant for those who have times where they feel the same. 

“I saw you under the fig tree”

Nathanael is a disciple not too frequently discussed, yet this moment is inspired by his first encounter with Jesus. 

When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, He said of him, “Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is no deceit.” “How do You know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus replied, “Before Philip called you, I saw you under the fig tree.” “Rabbi,” Nathanael answered, “You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”

John 1:45-51

There are a couple of things I'd like to highlight. First, the fig tree.

Now there are a few different ways to find the significance in the fig tree, but the one I have held onto for this piece, was that fig trees were often found outside the city walls, and were notably a place of private prayer and devotion to God. In short, they were places to get alone with God. This wasn’t a place for formality, but a place of solitude, a place to clear your head perhaps, a bit like my daily sanity walk down the thicket path.

Do you have a metaphorical place like the fig tree? It could be your favourite armchair, a local coffee shop or a bench with a view. Whatever or wherever it is, many of us have these places where we go intentionally to be alone with God. 

There isn’t a huge amount of detail in these verses, but the main thing I noticed is that the first words Jesus spoke to Nathanael was to tell Him that He had seen him. That's it. He had seen Nathanael in the place where He went to be alone with God, and this simple truth that he was seen by Jesus in this place led to Nathanael immediately and publicly announcing His belief in Jesus. 

Such is the power of knowing that we’re seen. 

The light breaking through the clouds onto Nathanael under the Fig Tree is meant to represent the wonderful truth that we’re seen through those thick stormy cloud days. 

"You are worth more than many sparrows"

​​"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

Matthew 10:29-31

A small detail I added, which you may have missed as they're nestled in the clouds, was a flock of sparrows flying over Nathanael. 

This addition came to me late in the day (as many small but significant details do when I'm drawing), but I was reminded of this verse as I was finishing up after 60 hours of drawing. The deeply interconnected truth that we're seen like Nathanael, and that God notices every sparrow only more deeply encourages the view to realise this beautiful truth. How could he not notice us in our need? Are we not more valuable than they? 

My hope for this piece is that it serves as a reminder of our innate value, and the fact that His eyes are never off of each and every one of us, whether we know it or not at the time.

He sees you.